PORK CHOPS AND STEAK
In 1958 I was working in Saskatchewan for TransCanadaPipeLines and travelled on occasion with Bill Flippin, a grizzled, rough and ready, veteran Texas pipeliner. (Bill’s son, Bobby, had earlier played in the CFL with Saskatchewan, Edmonton and Hamilton). One day we stopped for lunch in Dauphin, Manitoba. Bill ordered pork chops and when the waitress brought them they were practically raw. Bill, in his distinct Texas drawl, said, “Honey Bunch, I’ve seen pigs hurt worse than this and get better.”
A couple of weeks later I was back in Dauphin, this time on my own, and went to the same restaurant for lunch. Remembering Bill’s pork chop experience, when I ordered a steak I told the waitress I wanted it “cremated.” As she swept through the swinging doors into the kitchen she bellowed, “There’s a guy out there that wants a steak with cream and eggs on it!”
PRAIRIE LOBSTERS
In the mid-70s I was in Calgary on business and decided to have dinner at the Calgary Tower’s fine dining room. Because it was during the winter, I was delightfully surprised to see both lobster and surf ’n turf on the menu. I ordered lobster, but when the plate was set in front of me I saw the lobster had only one claw. I pointed this out to the waitress who said, “Lobsters only have one claw, sir.” I replied, “Perhaps you can get away with telling Albertans lobsters have only one claw, but I’m from PEI, and I guarantee you lobsters have two claws.” She told me she’d never seen a lobster with two claws. I told her I’d seen many hundreds of lobsters and had never seen a lobster with only one claw. The maitre‘d, realizing something was awry, came over and asked me what the problem was. I told him. He asked if I wanted the other claw. I assured him I did. It turned out that when lobster was ordered, after it was cooked the kitchen staff would remove one claw and freeze it to use later in their surf ’n turf dish.
WESTERN CANADA AGAIN
Anne and I were in Winnipeg for her brother Dennis’ wedding and were staying at The Northstar Inn, which was then Winnipeg’s top hotel. It was Sunday morning, and I ordered my favourite restaurant breakfast: orange juice, bacon, eggs over-medium, home fries, brown toast and coffee. When the food arrived the eggs were sunny side up. I said to the waitress, “Excuse me, but I ordered my eggs over.” “Oh, that’s no problem at all, sir,” she said, picked up my fork and turned over the eggs.
ANOTHER STEAK STORY
This one didn’t happen to me, I just wish it had. Jacques Simard, a CBC television producer, was in St. John’s, Newfoundland, taping a show. He was staying at the famous Battery Hotel on Signal Hill. Signal Hill has one of the world’s great views and at the time The Battery had a very popular dining room. Jacques ordered a steak. When the waitress arrived with it on a steak board, Jacques noticed she had her thumb on the steak, and asked, “Why do you have your thumb on my steak?” She answered, “So it doesn’t fall off again.” Jacques was so impressed with her honesty he accepted the meal without further comment. Knowing Jacques, he probably also overtipped.
AN UNUSUAL SOLUTION
On our honeymoon Anne and I drove to the west coast through the northern US and back to Toronto through Canada, which is how we happened to be having breakfast at a motel restaurant in Dryden, Ontario. Besides serving the motel guests, the restaurant was a very popular truck stop. It was so busy while we were having our breakfast that I didn’t have a chance to tell the waitress she hadn’t brought my orange juice. When I looked at our check, though, I saw I had been charged for it. While paying the bill I told the cashier I hadn’t gotten my orange juice. “I’m so sorry, sir,” she said, and hurried away before I had a chance to say I simply wanted the charge removed from the bill. You guessed it. She returned about two minutes later with the largest glass of orange juice I’ve ever seen. I didn’t have the heart to not drink it.